It seemed so... forced. Sticks out against your other work as a sore thumb (That's a compliment, believe it or not).

Answer me honestly. Did this come from your heart? Because I could not find it beating in this poem.

This is really good amd you sound like a really good friend. 5/5

Good job on this poem. Glad you tried something new for that contest. Well, MY contest. lol I tried your Triquatrain. I called it Not Where I Want to Be if you wanna check it out. Thought I'd try something new too!
Good job!
Charisma*