Thoughts Leading to My Dying Wish

I've got this thought
Of killing stuck in my head.
I'd love to hear the screams
Of the life I hold in my hands.
Don't worry,
It won't be you.

Wouldn't you love to see me...
Break apart at the seams?
I'll create a magic trick,
Just to show you what I mean.
I'll even disappear as the finale,
Just for you.

Won't God answer my prayers
To save me from myself?
What a horrible ending,
I know I could have thought up something else.
But what am I supposed to do
In a situation like this.