You dont go out on a mission one day, leave your house with a map and a giant red X. Not a compass or the North Star will lead you in the right direction. You dont find love. Love finds you.
Love found me one day in my bathroom. Thats where I was when a short band kid with long hair and a passion for music told me that I should go for a walk. So I did. A week later I was sitting on a futon with this rocker boy, laughing, at a horror film. His shy lips begged for a chance to kiss mine. So I gave him one. Then another and another because he was too afraid to take them. But I wasnt, and after about ten chances, I went in for the kill.
I remember that first kiss as if my lips just left his one second ago. And every one of the thirty billion kisses that were to fallow in the next two years would still taste as sweet, and still be as sustenance enough to feed my soul forever; just as that first kiss had.
Charles was not intentionally chosen by me to fill any void in my life. He was one grade higher, one inch taller, and just one more boy to think I was cute. That lasted about a month. Then suddenly, I loved him. Without warning, I felt passion and desire radiating off of his touch. I dreamt of nothing but looking at him and laying with him and making love with him; one month, and I wanted nothing but him. His honesty, his care, his laugh, smile, voice and that look in his eyes. I wanted to claim it all as only my own.
We have fallen down twice; stumbled a million times. Both knees have been scraped and not a band-aid or kiss will fix them. Yet love has never left us.
Reading his words of distrust awakens my inner most fears. That void he was not supposed to fill is now overflowing with everything about him. Nobody has what it takes to remove him and take his place.
That prison that owns him has demonized everyone and everything he has ever known. I have become the victim of their mind game for him. I am now his enemy. His once true love, turned in to his foe. That boy that was too afraid to kiss me is now ready to let it all go. Over a red dress, and I tiny man in a blue uniform standing on his shoulders, whispering in his once trusting ears, lies.
They have given him a map and a compass, yet now is when he has lost his way.
