Comments : I"M IN LOVE WITH YOU AND DON"T KNOW WHY???

  • 18 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Pretty dang good, though you spelt through as threw and you need some apostrophes, and more puncuations, smallers lines, and it would have been better if you had rhymed that last line... and set this up as a poem. Here let me show you:

    I'm in love with you,
    And don't know why.
    What you said and die,
    Fracking made me cry.

    I sat in bed thinking
    About your name,
    Making sure that you,
    Were not a shame.
    ------------------------
    Or try:
    I sat in bed thinking
    About your foreign name,
    But you still think,
    That this is all a game.
    -------------------------
    I believed every word
    That you had said,
    But you just used me,
    To get in your bed.

    You said you played me,
    As if I were your pet.
    I now just wish that,
    We hadn't ever met.

    You held my hand,
    Smile on your face,
    But that whole month,
    Was just a waste.

    I felt bad about myself,
    When things went wrong,
    I would stand in the shower,
    Singing my sad songs.
    -------------------------------
    The new ending:
    -------------------------------
    I feel like puking,
    But before I do...
    Get out of my face.
    I'm done with you.

    See how much it helps, It's no longer a paragraph, it looks like a poem. That ending, I think I love the best. I think I might use it sometime in one of my hate poems. I liked you poem, all I did was change a few words, and added a stanza, but you did the rest. Amazing Poem!

    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by ~!~ Mar!ah ~!~

    THAT IS AN AMAZING POEM I CAN ALSO RELATE TO THIS POEM. IT IZ SO TRU AND REAL