The teenager

So alien,
So hard to understand, the hand
That guides me, chessboard
Pieces so ordered and straight, nothing,
Long hours tick tock, by my head swimming,
Drowning in thoughts, of an unperceived nature,
The cruel criticism of former blades, cuts, and rips tender
Scorings of their own spite, and I
Left bleeding, lying up in my room, painted
By words of my own minds folly,

Death, the maiden who's bosom that I truly yearn for,
So dead my mind, yet existence
Continues to write words, upon my person, in blood
Red, life, and body, a golem am I,
Body without mind, thought without consequence
Action without thought

I sit alone, lying up, staring at the floor so cold and near
Far as sky as I, like birds who nestle, so simple, corrupted
Mans white fury, love, blinding, drowning in sorrow
The very walls, grand kingdom,
I watch them, through the child of the eye, I want to learn
Understand, more of what seems so alien
Two brace, locked in a show of soul,
They call it kiss, I look on with ignorance, in my mind,
So alien that I, unlike my fellows, know not of what goes on
Know not of why they do what,
And wonder over logics, judge over what people do, Crow
With laughter at the sight
Mans, fool hearted nature
Crushed by the very things, they love
War and conflict.

Why am I here, and now,
When long hours lengthen, and I with no soul to govern
Are meant to rot existence
Love leaves me, sanity in things I do, food ashen
Colors dull to merely sights, sound merely sound,
Books, ink upon paper, and blades ever less needful
I wish, that through the last, that I may learn as others
And embrace the cold heat of man-life,
But paths to take, long, hard
Winding streets, black shadows fill the light that guides me, Hand
That was clear, rotten and burnt,
Dead as it ever was, revealed
Like life itself
I am alien