I'm not trying to be harsh, but I assume you should attempt to make all of the sentences you are trying to rhyme have the same amount of syllables, sort of like, in the first rhyme attempt, it would have sounded better had you said "A man Made out of tin, made never to sin" other than "A man mad eout of tin, made to never sin" Be wordy, spice it up, you are pretty good with the whole thoughts and ideas, keep it up, I'm certain you will much improve.