This is good but maybe you should add some more to it.but its good the way it is.

Hmm...this poem didn't seem to work for me.

I needed to read it more than twice to even get what you were saying, none the less what the meaning of this poem is. It confused me, and I didn't find it satisfying to my standards.

The flow was ok, but could be improved. But the grammar was horrible. Maybe this was intentional, or maybe it wasn't. But it makes it 10 times harder to read than I can guarantee it took to write. I'm sure you'll get the hang of this. Keep it up. =) 4/5 xxoo

Samantha