I'm writing this as tears pour down my face
I've been crying for so long my heart's an irregular pace.
I don't know where to turn or what to do
I am so tired of feeling blue.
I am so lost and confused
Keep trying to be strong but I'm broken
I'm a fake smiling through each day
When inside I'm a swirling mess of emotion.
I found a picture before
In it I was pretty fat
I remember I used to stare in the mirror
Thinking 'why the f u c k do you look like that?'
But on that picture, the day it was taken
I was happy and smiling
My arm was wrapped around my little sister
The last thing I was thinking of was crying.
I looked at that picture and then in the mirror
And I thought 'Look at the f u c k i n g mess you've become
The last few years I thought soon the hard times would be over
I would smile and laugh again-How did I get so dumb?
Why does this hurt so much?
It hurts so bad
Why can't I be happy?
Why am I sad?
Why wont the pain go away?
Takes all my strength to get through reach day
Why do I have to be like this?
If I went away would I be missed?
I'm at war
But I can't win
Because it's with myself
Is that a sin?
Why do I always cry?
I want to smile
Should I hold on?
Will it be worthwhile?
I want my old life back
I want my friends
I want someone to love me
I want this pain to end.
I want to be proud of something
I want love and happiness abound.
But I'm still so lost
Will I ever be found?
I want to give up
But my life I keep trying to save
I want everything I don't have
I just want to be brave.
