Cant say goodbye

What am I doing here?
What am I pursuing here

Why do I fear like this?

It is him I miss

This life is so confusing

I never end up choosing

I dont like this feeling

But my mind is slowly healing.

This is my calling

I fell myself falling

My heart is screaming

And my eyes gleaming

Am I confused or mad

Frustrated or sad

All the memories I had

Have not all gone bad.

Slowly understanding

What god is commanding

But whats going on?

Why is he gone?

I miss him so truly

I took it so brutally

I dont want to say goodbye

I wish he didnt die.