Fairytale

by mazie   Dec 30, 2006


Once upon a time
in a land far away
lived a beautiful princess
locked in a tower to stay

then came her prince
with his sword drawn high
climbed up the tower
so he could be her guy

off into the sunset
on a white horse they ride
in love they both swear
be husband and bride

then she falls pregnant
a baby for her prince
but now she's up the duff
he is to be not convinced

she wakes up one day
and he's no longer there
left in the middle of the night
and left her in despair

and now she's left alone
and now her tower is a flat
locked away inside forever
just her and her little brat

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  • 17 years ago

    by *Charisma*

    Um, most times i really enjoy your poetry but this piece wasn't a favorite of mine. I didn't like the ending where the child is referred to as a brat, because what did the child do? I guess it didn't make much sense to me. And you start this off like a poem written about the olden days and you used the term "her guy" which doesnt' sound like it fits this poem. I'm so sorry Mazie. HONESTLY, this is ONLY constructive criticism because your poem does have excellent flow and rhyme, my problem lies in the words themselves. But I'm still going to give you a good vote on it because it of it's flow and rhyme. I hope this helps, and I'm sorry to say this. :( Please keep writing though I do normally enjoy your items, and as always I LOVE your comments. You always make me smile!
    :) Charisma*

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