I just wish she would understand.. she makes me wanna scream!! And then die.. does she not understand how much it hurts?! I feel so dumb telling her that i wanna see her, and that i miss her. But really, i feel theres nothing else i can do!! Getting her to come and see me is like pulling teeth!! And any spare time she has she's gonna end up spending with her bf. Maybe she just doesn't like coming over to my house?! Yet she seems to always bring up how she wants to see me, then leaves me making the plans. Its like shes just there to turn down when shes available or not... i hate feeling this way because no matter how much i try to hide how she hurts me, it always ends up coming out in the end. But then i feel like, ugh screw what i feel like. It's not like anyone cares!! Even if i just go out and tell you, all you're gonna say is "aww" and move on. The only reason there wasn't any need for a dramatic goodbye when we last saw each other, was because i thought we would see each other during this time apart. This is the time when i wish i could move the date up!! And make all this end right now!! I'm to complicated for anyone to understand, so i might as well consider myself alone for the rest of my life. Or until i decide to end it, which will be soon may i inform you. You may not and probably never will understand that when i say you're my whole world, that u really are. This is really pathetic, and writing this is more painful then just telling you. I wish you could go inside my head, pull out whats wrong, and solve it without me knowing that you knew what was wrong, so i could know that you care enough to search for my feelings, and try and help me solve them. This might not be making any sense, but to me it does. I wanna see you. I miss you. More then you could ever imagine. But hey, were so close to a new year. Yeah right.. sure we are, but I'm not excited. Just another miserable year.. meeting new people, who will end up hurting me. I'm glad that wont last long though. Reading this makes me wanna scream my lungs out! But i cant because i feel i have no voice. Its hidden underneath all of yours, everybody's. Your cries for help are over powering the actual ones in need. You guys are all pathetic. Thinking your time is harder then ours. You could try and live my life, it would be better for both of us, you'd finally get a clue, and id be dead.
