Comments : One chance

  • 17 years ago

    by Brittany

    I like this. I like how there's this certain mystery and darkness that kind of sheds near the end. The fearness of the male character sort of fades as the femininity guides him into a better place.

  • 17 years ago

    by Void

    Alright, well I'm not very good at critiquing these ones, but unfortunately I am unable to critique your love poems. (My computer signs me out and sometimes freezes when I open those up.) So here I am. I love that this was done in the form of a story - and I have found that people who can write poetry in the form of a long, understandable story accomplish quite alot as a writer. If they're really good, they accomplish more than us who do it for the pure rush and feeling of 'poems for emotional release' kind of thing. :P
    I don't know which you prefer to write, or what comes easier to you - but I almost want to see something different. I've seen that you can keep up a rhythm, and the four line stanzas... Have you ever tried something different from a four line stanza? Have you tried a Haiku, or couplets, limerick... In all honesty I would love to see you do a limerick because something tells me you'd conquer that one quite fast - and do it well.
    Try pushing yourself for more :)
    Great job here!