This is so wonderfully written dear, just one thing: -
always have trust in what u write as u r writing right from ur heart...so the talent comes within...dont let anyone tell u how to end or start or anything in between...just write what u feel is good. The emotions u hold for this poem...no one else ever could so they would not be able to justify.

just my opinion & YES...i really liked ur poem

all the best and take care