That really is quite dark isn't it. It wasn't bad, but I think it could do with a little more. It's a very concept I just think it could be exicuted a bit better. Maybe longer stanzas with a little more flow? Just a suggestion.

This captured the mood you were intending brilliantly it was awesome! :)

Eey man, is goede gedichtje :P ik weet me nl zuigt ff..
k heb geen zin om echt moeite te doen, maar ga zo door =)