Worthless wh0re is wandering why she is alone tonight. Isn't that the way it always was, why should it change now, why think that it should be different. Not alone for long. Green light flashes 9:55pm. What to do. Look up, just a quick sly look. See if she is looking at you. Up. Damn you looked, she saw you. Bet she is laughing. Why not. Walk away before something surfaces. Too tired to deface tonight, not in mood to play with knives, toy with pain. No not tonight please. Chapped lips a distance taste of guts. God, what is happening to me. She knows all to well, but enjoys playing the dolice runt. Hearing neighbours from next door, walls are thin, i can hear everything. But they don't hear she. Nothing is as sensual as the sound of intensine juice splirting against the tiles. i don't agree sometimes, most of the time i do. Shall we check again, green flashes 10:00pm. Nowhere to go, you can't get out of the inside of your own head. i knew that. Try telling myself that. Watching my fingers dance, pretty, beautiful if the skin didn't cover so much. That can be fixed, of course. But we don't think of that just now. Think of the time. 10:10pm. Locked all doors and cupboards, just stand on the kitchen tiles. Steady and at ease, who am i kidding. Shaking. i don't know if it's cold, lost feeling in my feet, so i can't run, get away, escape. You can't escape the inside of yourself. Balance. Tea stains on the worktop, can't remember that cup. Could murder a cup of tea. Family sized box. Don't deserve a family sized box, just myself here, but at least it's saving the trip to the shop. Can't be trusted visiting the shop. If temptation sees it fit, we give in and go. Not too long in one area though, just enough to numb my fingers in the frozen veg, intise my senses with bakery smells. But not too long. Not to encourage buying, unless it is nessicary, if the echoing is to much. Crippling at times. Look up. Ha, you looked. Nobody i know.
