Lonely. Finding myself alone again tonight. Echoing, the breathing of someone, meant to be here right now. i saved a seat for them. Foolish. People run away from me. i don't even get to tell them the point. A point as to why a number of things, make me less than themselves. Nobody sticks around for very long, get bored, yawn, go home. Alone. Find someone better to entertain their needs. i have needs, wants and desires. i need the clock to stop preaching, i want the numbers to decend and i desire to be. A difficult one, to exist. Wanting to be acknowledged for the simple good things, a hello how are you, take care and goodbye. But not wanting to be noticed for then everything else is put at risk of being discovered. Like being on a stage, forgetting my lines, and stammer. Nobody taking the time to sit and listen, till i catch my breath. i have something to say, i always forget what by the time my mouth opens. Does it matter, no one was listening anyway. A full house of empty seats as the princess takes her spotlight stance. No one to witness the dance, entrancing waltz of sheer purging. She sold out. And everyone is missing it. They'll regret it when they see her after, the sweet intoxication of her savouring shivers. It got cold. Beginning to think again. Need to stop this, habit of thinking. Never simple contemplations, but that of deep importance, i am afraid i am not ready to announce. Alone again. Wishing i was somehow there again, where nothing else mattered, but the girl that stood infront of me. To now be, just a shadow, missing it's figure. Upstairs. Confront your sins for today. Stand in silence. Look. Gaze. Stare. Observe the obvious. That wasn't there before, feel and press, tempt a smile. Blink. Wipe my mouth of leaking excitement. Empty, my eyes seem to be. Blue but empty. Who's fault is that, no one but my own. Hands on the waist and pull. Not as much this time. Finish before we spy for to long, and spoil the surprise. A present to myself. Everyone gets angry at me, that's only cause they are jealous. Fat people. Still one of them. But performing.
