please rate this poem !

hey, cookie, i really like your writing style, its awesome, and i was hoping that maybe you could give me a few pointers on making my writing better. i fyou dont want to that's fine, but i figured it was worth a try

this has definite potential.... because of its length and form people will be a ton less likely to read it... so if you are still feeling like you were when you wrote it id suggest rewriting.. especially if you want people to read it... but its "topic" or basis of it is really great... you can definitely go somewhere with it.
much love
Amanda