Sobriety

I feel like my mind is spinning, my head is going so fast
Sometimes I just can't do it no more, don't wanna be me, just wanna put on a mask
People have too many questions, and I don't have enough answers, I don't even know
Everyone knows my life, my secrets, I can't be here, just gotta get up and go
I need to pretend that I'm fine, just tell them every thing's OK
Even though it's not, maybe then they'll go away
Just leave me alone and let me be
Trust me, you'd be going crazy too if you've seen what I've seen
Being 11 years old and slitting your arm
Then having the school send you away because you're causing yourself harm
For two months having a little girl who sees the devil sleeping in your room
Feeling like your life is in between hell and doom
Finally coming back to society only to find
Everyone knows where you've been, they were inside your mind
That's how it felt, I've been labled at the age of not even 12 years old
That's when my head and my heart began to turn cold
People wonder why I'm like this, how I became who I am today
They think I chose this, that I woke up one morning and decided to live this way
They didn't go through wut I did, all the stress and bullsh*t
He picked me to try and seduce, his girls little sister, I was his next hit
You think it's easy being me, I'd like to see you try
Go through one day in my life and you'll wanna cry
But I can't, gotta keep my head up, gotta stay strong
Nothing has ever gone my way, never right, always wrong
With all this messed up sh*t it's such a wonder to you I can't deal
Only time I can get away is when I'm high, nothings real
I just lay back and watch the world go by, no more problems, no more stress
Now that's not an option, I'm a wreck, a complete and total mess
But I have no choice, there's too much to throw away, too much that I care for
My nephew, my friends, my life would be no more
Spending 5 years out of state is not what I want
I wouldn't be able to live, every night it come back to haunt
I'd lose everything that's good
Now I know what I must do, I have to, I should
Yeah it'll be hard building up from the ground
Except this time, what's been lost will be found
So now it's time for me to stand up and fight so I can be free
Drugs will no longer hold me back from being me
Me, wow I've been lost for so long I've forgotten who me is
I remember me and my friends always talking when we were kids
We talked about becoming doctors and pilots and how we would never, ever smoke
Now I constantly ditch and disobey ' because I'm feining for that next toke
This is NOT how I want to live or how I wanna be
So I hereby promise to be a happier, healthier, sober me
*dedicated*