I Love My Best Friend

We are close. Too close I thought. But when we are apart we are together in each other's hearts. I wake up to see his face. But it kills me because he doesn't love me in that way. I've never felt the way I feel when I'm around him. Hearing his voice is just enough. But being his best friend is really tough. But I put my tears away. Although you can still see the agony in my face. So I tried to stray. But he wouldn't stay away. He worried because I wanted to kill myself. I thought ending my life would help. He told me I was wrong. So I'm putting away this switchblade and I'm holding on. To the life I don't want to live. Death is calling but he won't let me give in. This sucks because I love my best friend.

I lied when I said it was okay with me that we are friends. I can't keep hurting him like this. But I am the only one to blame. Not only do I hate myself, but I don't want to be alive. And he keeps telling me if I go he'll die. And that would kill me all over again. I keep feeling like I am a replacement for someone else . His old best friend. She's popular and more liked. I can't do anything right. I know he is reading this and wanting to slap me, and tell me it isn't true. But I'll just lie to him and say I believe you. I have so many problems now, but where do I begin. The first one is I'm in love with my best friend.

We are like twins. Joined together by the heart. If I die his will stop. He's say's I'm all he's got. To me that's not a lot. I told him he needs better. But he say's no. I told him I can't do this and that he should let me go. And he says he won't so we are stuck. It seems we have too much bad luck. We are each others trust. Maybe I should just stop being friends with everyone I know. To just be alone. So I can't hurt them anymore. I'm like candy. If you have too much it makes you sick. I really am like this. I hurt everyone I come in contact with. I will break you down, until you can't live. And I'm sorry. And it won't happen again. This is my heart on paper for my best friend.

I'm chopping up my arm at the moment. So please come back later. If you do it will be too late. Don't pretend you care, I know no one does. So I have problems, that doesn't make me crazy. Or does it. I'm being myself and you all hate it. Don't say you love me and that you'll always be there. Because I'm dying and you aren't here. But I don't blame you for the bloody water I'm sitting in, or for the razor that is slicing my skin. This can never be your fault. It's mine for not knowing when to stop. But tonight will be the last time I promise. No more tears for you to see. No more you and me. It's over and I have no other way to tell you, than in this poem. So as they lie me down, remember I loved you. So forget about the pain I felt, I'm healed now. I'm okay and you will go on without my presence. I was so bad for you. I can't go on, because I love you. My best friend.