How can I explain a feeling I do not understand?
How can I try and beat my anger when I do not know why I am angry?
How can I ignore this inner sadness when it dictates my everyday?
How can I break free when I am controlled by my thoughts?
How can I move on when I’m always being pulled backwards?
Why do I always cry?
Why cant I just snap out of it?
I feel so weary, I feel so frustrated, this isn’t me, I am strong, so why can’t I beat this?
I don’t understand.
People think I have mood swings, its more than that. I wish it was just mood swings, and then I wouldn’t feel so trapped by my own emotions.
People shout at me when I cant stop crying ‘your pathetic’! I know I am.
People think I’m over acting, they think I’m an attention seeker; all I want is to be left alone.
People think It’s all in my head, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t either way I wish it would go away.
I want to stop taking medication, its not helping, why wont the doctors listen?
I just don’t know what to do. I can see I’m not right, but I’m trying so hard to get better. I don’t want to hurt anyone I just want to feel free again. So many times a day I think about ending things, it seems the only way. So many times a day I battle with my conscience, so many times a day I beat my desire to leave this earth, I’m just scared that one day this rooted sadness inside my soul will beat me.
