...those moments,
when i just lay there
contemplating my existence
mostly, not believing I'm still here
those are the moments when
i tell myself to stay strong
to block it all out and ignore his words
convincing myself I'm better than him
that i don't need him,
ill never need him.
i hear voices in my head
arguing,
telling me i wont survive
that ill never make it
saying I'm in need of his attention
--craving his hate
--wanting the pain
--loving his abhorance towards me
as if I'm under his spell
in his power
only he is in control of what i think
...better yet, what i feel
even what i need
Yet,
i still try believing I'm free
telling myself I'm independent
and his words don't break me
my thoughts go against me
the voice within me takes over
and i give in.
shamefully...
hopelessly...
regretfully...
