Nothing will ever tear us apart

I lie next to you
feel the heat of your body
against my arm
i turn my head
but cant stand to see you like this
your eyes are yellow
your face is blank
a gentle tap
hardly even there
i try to make out "yeah"
but my tears overrule me
and all that comes out is a
mumble
you look to me
and i force myself to look back
silence
our eyes meet
and lightly
oh so quietly
you tell me
your last wish
you say sing a song
then quickly
without any break
withouts even moving her mouth
she tell me you love me
tells me to take care of Jason
tells me to be me
and be happy
your voice flutters through my mind
and i remember Jason
my 3 year old brother
with down syndrome
i cant do this
i cant do this
i cant take care of myself and Jason
i glance over at him
eating easy mac
unaware that his mommy
is dying
in the doorway
the nurse stands
coming closer
and closer
i scream for her to get away from me
that my mother is fine
that she will live
if only i could believe myself
i cant stop shaking
she grabs my arm
and pulls me away
I'm screaming as loud as i can
she drags me out of the room
i kick and punch
and grab the door
but the nurse is too strong
my grip loosens
4 fingers
3 fingers
2 fingers
1 finger
is all i have
1 finger to keep my mom alive
she stops
as my mother quietly squeals
a tear slips down her face
following mine
and she says to tell Jason
shes meeting God
and i know he will be so excited for her
so envious
so clueless
her eyes slip shut
and i begin to sing
"winter spring summer or fall
all you have to do is call
and ill be there
on the next train
where you lead
i will follow
anywhere
that you tell me to
if you need
you need me to be with you
i will follow where you lead."
and i close my eyes
and imagine her
wings
and halo
opening a mailbox
and finding that song
signed by me
i imagine her smile
stretching across states
her eyes squinted
and her nostrils
flaring
open
shut
open
shut
we always used to laugh about that
Jason
me
and mom
together
nothing will ever tear us apart