Why can't I feel the things I want to feel?
Why must I pretend? Why can't it be real?
No more lies, that's what I have decided;
I made this rule, but I wish not to abide it.
One heart breaks, and this one will crack,
it spills and kills with each word held back,
but no matter what is done or what is said,
nothing will give hope what it wants instead.
I hate you; I love you, but please, go away,
I need you but want you to leave here today.
No need for please, and no need for byes,
just turn your back and find hatred inside.
I feel guilty for this, but some say why?
Apparently there's no need for me to cry.
But when I've shattered the world of him,
how could I ever not feel his pain within?
My heart says no, but my mind says yes,
but never again do I wish to lie to excess.
I do not love, so why should I feel so bad?
What right does he have to make me sad?
Why can't he accept that things are gone,
and will his influence ever be withdrawn?
It truly hurts to look inside his crying eyes,
but what can I do when I'm stopping lies?
I cannot help what my heart does feel.
I cannot pretend to make emotions real.
I've lost the heart to carry on with this,
so, I hope one day that he will accept it.
