So cleverly written and beautiful

So cute

Wow. Lots of mistakes in this one. Please.. if you get mad easily just ignore this, I'm trying to help not make you mad or mock your work... You had a wonderful idea though. OOOKAY I know sometimes P&Q can be gay and make your things look like this: Thereâ??s But you can fix that.. go to edit and fix it. I took one look at this and went : holy crap. Lets see what I can do:

The wind takes over me
The clouds begin to form
I can feel it now
There's going to be a storm
The rain flows down
Like no other
You and me dance with each other
Then you hold me
In this tidal wave
Of glory
And spin and circles
Of mud
And when I think it's going to be over
I get that smile
Of love
Then the sun starts to peak out
And I'm disappointed
Until I know we'll meet again
In another storm

This is what you meant to put. You did a wonderful job putting emotion into this. Your rhyming again was great... but again your flow is off.

Try making stanzas... It makes it look a lot neater and way easier to read.

The wind takes over me
The clouds begin to form
I can feel it now
There's going to be a storm

The rain flows down
Like no other
You and me dance with each other
Then you hold me

In this tidal wave
Of glory
And spin and circles
Of mud

And when I think it's going to be over
I get that smile
Of love
Then the sun starts to peak out

And I'm disappointed
Until I know we'll meet again
In another storm

You don't really have a rhyming scheme. You just kinda ... rhymed. Choose a scheme.. like abab or abcb.. something! Your first stanza is abcb so let's stick with that.

As I said in the last comment you want to have about the same amount of sllylables in each stanza example: 5 6 6 7 ... This is what you have:

The wind takes over me 6
The clouds begin to form 6
I can feel it now 5
There's going to be a storm 7

The rain flows down 4
Like no other 4
You and me dance with each other 8
Then you hold me 4

In this tidal wave 5
Of glory 3
And spin and circles 5
Of mud 2

And when I think it's going to be over 11
I get that smile 5
Of love 2
Then the sun starts to peak out 7

And I'm disappointed 6
Until I know we'll meet again 8
In another storm 5

Reading this over again.. I noticed this line:

In this tidal wave 5
Of glory 3
And spin and circles 5
Of mud 2

... Of mud? Why did you put that? lol... Totally random.

Anyways. I showed you what is wrong now you have the choice to make it right... I will help you with one stanza and you get to do the rest.

I'll help you with your last stanza:

I am very disappointed
I yearn for you to keep me warm.
I am waiting for us to meet
We will meet in another storm

Over all darlin' you did a great job.. just needed a few adjustments....

Great Write

5/5

I think this poem is just ok..... ur poems further on are much better so tht means tht u improved a lot thts good =) just fix the A thingys lol yupyup i think it will b a 4/5

I thought this poem was ok i was kinda confused with the last line though. i think their are alot of errors throughout this but seeing as i've read your latest ones you've improved alot. good effort though~mel

This is a good poem.. i thought it flowed good.
the only problem i see is the random A things what ever that is.. lol

Great poem keep it up.....i like the part "we well meet agin in a nother strom" i think it went somthign like that but yehh greath

Wow... I love this piece, it is so emotional, captivating and beautifully written. Truly wonderful poem from the beginning to the end, it touched me. I like the imagery that you portrayed here, it is very vivid and unique. The flow of the whole piece is good, too. I could just get lost in your emotions...
Greatly done!
5/5 from me

Realy good poem. Love the way it's written about the rain. Great job! 5/5

<mOnStRiTo'S pRiNcEsS>