Lupus Heart

My Lupus Heart

*The term lupus, in this poem, has two different meanings. Lupus is another name for "wolf" and it is sometimes referred to as the name of a disease that leaves scars and marks on the skin.*

Dear Demon, I appear lost.
Drifting through dark
clutching your memory
to my lupus heart once again.

All to lose
What to gain?
Oh...this pain
I thrust it to your hands
Take it away, never give it back.

Here I stand in Shade
Here I fall to Shadow
Waiting. This lonely decrepit place
To not forget, I imagine your face.
Sands slipping, turn me to wings of dust
If it doesn't end in tear-shed, is it love?

Hiding your words like old love letters
Kept away in the music box of my mind

Something is gone
Something is learned
Looking for reasons...
of why this all failed.

How do we hold on to
the people in our lives
this reflection of your eyes
feeling me break, my demise.

I've broken someones heart again
your looking at her now, my friend.
My eyes burn, tired, sleepless, starved.

And I'm wondering how to know the cost
which was sweeter, the Love or the Loss?
so I curse you, my lupus heart...
for tearing my soul apart.