Untitled... (2)

by BeautifulDisaster   Jan 18, 2007


**ok so this poem isn't done yet, but i thought i would add it anyways and you can give my suggestions on what to add or how to edit it.

She slams her door,
blocking out the world.
She blasts her radio,
muffling her screams.
Sitting at the computer,
writing the world her pain.
She says her life's useless,
That she wants to die.
She says no one loves her,
everyone has changed.
Saying she doesn't care,
about anything in the world.

Her friends tell her they love her,
they will always be here.
Her friends tell her daily,
hes just a guy.
They tell her if he doesn't want her,
she can do better.
They tell her hes playing games,
hes playing hard to get.

She says hes way more,
than just a guy.
She says shes tired of hearing,
she can do better.
Saying he cant play hard to get,
forever.
She says it doesn't matter,
she loves him.
She tells him if she cant have him,
she doesn't want anything.
Saying if she cant live her life with him,
she doesn't want to live it without him.

He says he doesn't care,
he doesn't want to be around her.
He says hes sorry,
about it turning out this way.
He says its not his fault,
he would rather have her.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Kristina

    Aww this is really sad, but i can relate to some of it! wonderful job on this. i think you did a great job! it flowed really nicely. i dont see anything wrong with it. 5/5

    ~Kristina

  • 17 years ago

    by LithiumSacrifice

    "He says he doesn't care,
    he doesn't want to be around her.
    He says hes sorry,
    about it turning out this way.
    He says its not his fault,
    he would rather have her."

    this stanza is kinda confusing. you say he doesnt care for her.. and then it says, he woudl rather have her..

    are there two girls in the picture where he wants someone else? i think that needs to be clearer.. but otherwise, its coing out great and keep writing.