Cold points and red tears

When i push that cold solid point into my skin i feel like im in control
I know that after a second it wont hurt because im so used to that pain
At a certain point that pain turns into pleasure and i know that when im done i will have cried red tears to make my life seem better
Cutting to me is an instant pain reliever while others use drugs or alcohol i just need that cold solid point
I cant stop it's a habbit like bitting your nails the only difference is cutting heals pain
It shows you still have control even if its only a small amount
That only controls the physical pain
I have found only one way to heal all pain and i cant ever get it to work