Shredded

by SilentRebuke   Jan 19, 2007


Shredded

Before all I had in my mind was strife,
But then you entered into my life,
My face remembered how to smile.
And everything changed for a while.
I think then I forgot why I wrote,
I forgot why I needed music's note.
I loved you with all that I had.
Thoughts of you pushed out all the bad.
It felt good to stand up in plain view,
But you know that comes before the fall, don't you?

Well guess what? I fell.
I didn't know I was set up so well.
I had finally become a whole person.
Then everything began to worsen.
You can't take away what isn't there.
Everyone knows you can't strip a tree that's already bare.
So you filled the void, you made me whole.
And what that did was give them a hand hold.
They grabbed on and wouldn't let go.
They're trying to take away the only thing I know.
Piece by Piece they're going to tear this down.
I only have one option that I've found.
I'm building my walls once again.
Becoming what I need to be- an island.
Just won't let anything get to me.
Show everyone what they need to see.
That I'm ok, that nothing's changed.
I can cope with what's arranged.
Can't let them see, they can't know.
How far within, I'll have to go.
I WON'T let it hurt them anymore,
I'll just go back to how it was before.

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  • 16 years ago

    by Krathia

    There's so many things in this poem that inspired and impressed me, I'd better start pointing them out.

    "My face remembered how to smile." Good personification, a good change from the usual old 'I remembered how to smile'.

    "I forgot why I needed music's note." Music is a big part of my life, I practice really hard; I can just imagine forgetting it in a whirlwind of foreign emotions... This simple line touched me, especially "music' note"; it's not worded that way very often.

    "Everyone knows you can't strip a tree that's already bare." Now, I find that this line disrupts the flow; perhaps you should press enter at 'tree'. That would "skip a beat" in my mid, but maybe that's just me.

    "Becoming what I need to be- an island."
    Very clever. Bullseye! You've hit the single word that conveys exactly what the readers WANTS to read. But of course, they don't know that word. Good job on this line.

    Very good poem, keep it up!

  • 17 years ago

    by Midnight Sun

    That was incredible! I can't believe I haven't commented on that yet! I mean seriously I could understand every word! And relate to most, amazing job!!! And the lines that gave me the most vivid picture was... And what that did was give them a hand hold.
    They grabbed on and wouldn't let go. ... I don't know what about that hit me so hard but I absolutely loved it! :) Amazing job girl, keep it up. I can't wait to read more soon!
    ~Midnight Sun

  • 17 years ago

    by oldthings

    I love this poem so incredibly much, some of the lines are really actually very deep and thoughtful and while reading it i felt like it was written about me, which always seems to make whats being read all that much better.

    really loved this poem, great emotion, good rhymes, only thing I'd say was off was the rhythm in some spots. Loved it completely though, awesome job

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