Tortured, inevitably without full comprehension of what permanent damage I am doing to myself. My mind is telling me actions which my heart will not follow. Iâ??m being led by the blind as if I myself were blind. But, that is not the case. I am irrevocably destructing myself for temporary pleasure. Obliviously, I continue to do so with a careless attitude. I know that true happiness is fictitious and I am satisfied with my provisional situation.
Rationally, I shouldnâ??t be giving you a second of my time, let alone offering myself to you. You have done nothing to deserve me. Yet my heart continues to throb impatiently waiting for you. I bury my hopes and dreams to meet your needs while mine are ignored.
I will never truly grasp why I am behaving in such ways. I am better than this. I know that you are using me and I enable it. Never before have I allowed such derogatory treatment to be brought upon myself.
What is so significant about you that I am willing to throw away everything I believe in? You are detrimental to my future I know this for a fact. Yet somewhere in my mind I justify my behaviors as an act of love. But I am not in love; I can barely define the word let alone be experiencing it. You are my addiction, I am infatuated with you.
I do understand one concept of love, which is that both parties have to be equally philanthropic. In our situation that is not the case. I would do anything for you, accept death if it would make you happy.
However you are insensitive, so insensitive that itâ??s nerve racking. You treat me as the scum upon your shoes. You know that I think I love you and use it to your full advantage. You manipulate me with everything you say. Your apparent sincere words are like gold to me, I cherish every single one. I know with absolute desolation in my mind that you are a lying and deceiving man.
So what am I doing? I have to be delusional. I think I love you, I must in some way. Otherwise why else would I be so content in ruining myself? The only logical answer is that I wouldnâ??t. Somewhere in the depths of my core I have grown attached to you. I have grown accustom to your devious ways.
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not a poem but please tell me what you think
