What do I Want...?

[I\\\'m not exactly sure if this will even turn out to be a poem but I need to vent so you don\\\'t have to comment.... its just nice to know someone might listen...]

What do I want. Who do I want??? what is this feeling I get in my chest when I'm with him and then when I talk to him its like our love doesn't even exist.... And maybe it does burn deep within my soul but it burns so dimly unless something stimulates the Brain to stimulate the love...? and maybe if i sit in wonder and try to pull his image into my head which doesn't happen because its like I don't see his face but one of another...? And the other is someone who I do love but not that way...? God I don't understand I just want to commit and be able t stay with one guy and not have my heart passed around to others...?i just don't understand... I'm so confused its doesn't make sense any of it... i don't understand God I need help or I'm going to go crazy.. and i need to see him and talk to him... or i will die or something will die that I don't want to die... and if it dies does a part of my soul die... it wasn't like this the first time... nothing was this confusing the first time...it was so ...easy i guess you could say the first time.. it was like it was supposed to seem hard but like easy in the end... so does that mean that if this dies that the beginning was easy and the end will surely suffocate me under the pain of rejection.... what is wrong with me....?