Depressed (getting worse and worse)

The past few weeks have been great
Laughter, joy and happiness,
I pushed everything to the back of my mind
so i remembered less and less.

Every time i feel like I'm flying
my wings get torn apart,
With bad news and self-criticism
thats where i start.

I have lots of friends and family
but i still feel all alone,
Its hard to explain my feelings
i don't want people to think i mourn.

I really want to be happy and live
but everything is so hard,
From past events and recent ones too
I'm always on my guard.

Life feels like a roller coaster
thats never going to end,
With twists and turns and speeding up
I'm waiting for the next bend.

My world is not reality
but one big massive dream,
Am i real, am i not
I'm not quite sure, thats how i seem.

In 2 years time i shouldn't be here
And aren't sure if i will be,
And within that time it will probably be bad
so ill have to wait and see!!!