Every time i look at you my face goes pail,
every time i talk to you my mouth always fails,
every time i touch you my hands shake,
and every time you laugh at me my heart always breaks.
I think the content is good. if you cleaned up the structure, such as capitalizing the i's i think it would flow better. and maybe bulk up the lines with some sensory adjectives. but it's good none the less (: 3/5
