I dont know what to do.....

I'm just writing down my feelings,
and how i feel just isn't great,
my whole soul lately,
filled with hurt and hate,

i don't get why a guy can't love me,
i don't see what i do wrong,
i try to be skinny,
i haven't eaten breakfast or lunch for so long,

doctors say I'm perfect in size,
but i want to be skinner,
maybe if i was,
finding a boyfriend would be easier,

people say they love my eyes,
and my personality is great,
to be single for ever,
is that my fate,

i have other things on my mind,
like does my best friend really care,
or does he feel bad for me,
and feels like he has to be there,

does he actually mean it when he says i love you,
we are just Friends but he says that's what Friends do,
i wonder if anything he says,
is actually really true,

what he does and says makes me love him more,
but he doesn't know and probably would care,
he probably would leave,
and then i wouldn't have anyone there,

i know i should trust him,
and i do,
but,
sometime the way he talks doesn't sound true,

and there is my old boyfriend,
he puts me under this spell,
and i want to go back out with him,
and for our love to excel,

i mean when i am with him i still have feelings,
but i try not to let them show,
i mean does he know i love my friend,
who by the way he doesn't even know,

i want to come out and say,
friend i love you so,
but i am afraid,
of how the reaction would go,

i don't know what to do,
I've been so much under stress,
i mean seriously,
my life is a pathetic mess,

what if they both don't like me,
then i will feel worthless,
i can't take it,
i can't take all this stress,

so i do my best,
to hold it all inside,
but i think my friend can tell,
that i have pain i hide,

he wants me to talk,
but i am defiant and refuse,
bet i know what your thinking,
man you have issues,

i am afraid he wouldn't like me,
and that i would never have my chance with him,
and if he say your to crazy,
my heart would grow dim,

so,
now i turn to you,
can you help me,
and tell me what to do?????????????

by,Denysia Chapman-madden