Nothing

The feeling is nothing
Sure there are times when I laugh
I am thankful for those minutes each day
The laugh though is just superficial,
I do it because it is expected.
It is just a reaction to the world around me.
What I really feel inside is emptiness,
Sadness, numb, tired, confused.
I can stand in a room full of people
And yet it is like I am alone.
My mind is swarmed with memories of a lost friend
Problems at home add to the weight of the black cloud hanging over me.
There are times where I wish I had left this place.
Even though I know that is a stupid thing to feel, I can’t help it.
I go on with the daily chores of life as if I were like a robot.
Life goes on and I do my best to play the game.
There are more smiles on my face than a year ago at this time,
That doesn't mean I am happier now than then though.
People see the smile and think things are better,
They have no idea what turmoil goes on inside.
No one knows and I can’t explain myself at all.
All these thoughts that are locked up and I have no idea how to let them go.
I don’t know what I want anymore.