Life is not always what it seems.

What is this feeling that at this moment consumes me?
Something like the way a broken ship is swallowed by the sea.
It totally destroys all hard work & design poured into it,
Reminds me of my moment of truth where my life was flipped.

Looking at my small hands and recognizing a shiny gold band,
So desperately confused as to why these feelings are so sad.
Healthy baby boy that inside me grows more each day,
Has not been my happiest moments I am struggling to say.

Desire more time and at the same time feel so ungrateful,
All the days I thought were going to be my time to be single.
Love my husband more than any words could be uttered,
Why do I find myself in this life and feeling so very cluttered?

What could the root be to all these conflicting emotions?
For this one answer I would give all I could to the oceans.
Please could I find some precious moments of ultimate contentment?
Afraid to take it into my own hands and mess up amendments.