They say "Home is where the heart is..."
But my heart is in pain everyday...
& I'm only a kid,
Going home never makes me feel OK...
Home is where hell lies,
And fire is about to start...
I have to wear this smile of a disguise
To cover up the pain and scar on my heart...
I grew up meeting Dad's girlfriends
And was raised by friends and Gram...
I went through so many breaks and bends...
But had no parents there to give a damn...
Maybe they were at the bar for too long...
Maybe he was out cheating again,
Maybe she was working or thinking life at home was wrong,
Maybe they were coming to an end...
I remember the fights,
The screaming, yelling and hidden pain...
The sleepless, cold nights
That still drive me insane
I remember the suicide note,
The one I found from Dad...
The one that he personally wrote,
After she made his life so bad...
I remember Dad coming around more,
But YOU weren't anywhere to be found!
He was here more than before,
You were NO WHERE around...
If there was a problem going on,
You were "too busy" to help out...
No matter what I did was wrong,
I never knew what loving was about...
I had to live YOUR life later on,
I had to do EXACTLY what you said!
Then we started to get along,
After my life seemed so dead...
When i stopped your ways
And began mine...
You ended this mother/daughter phase
And left me behind!
What we do best is fight...
We yell and shout all the time!
I know that is NOT alright,
The heart that's breaking is MINE!
Do you know how hard it is to grow...
TO GROW UP without a mom there?
And no matter what happens, you'll never know
You'll never know why or if she even cares...
I'm so pissed off inside!
I just want to break everything insight!
When you're around, I want to hide...
I want to break this darkness and find light...
You showed me so much negativity
And now that's what i live for!
Happiness for me? Is that even a possibility?
I don't even know anymore...
It's so hard to watch your ways of life
Then try not to repeat it...
I cry myself to sleep sometimes at night
Because, about myself, i don't give a sh.it
You screwed up so much about me
That I can't see anything anymore...
Just leave me alone and let me be,
So i can find the happiness i didn't have before...
