Always someone better than me

by browneyessoul   Jan 26, 2007


There's always someone better than me
Who perfects all the things I can't do
There's always someone better than me
But if you try to take him, then you're screwed
Cause he's the one that has my heart
And if you take him I'll ripp your face apart
They are the ones who always get the guys
But no one will look at them
Like he does with me, with his eyes
So go ahead and try
But just know that if you do
This will be your last good-bye
There's always someone better than me

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  • 17 years ago

    by x.Athame.x

    Alright, good concept and good emotion in this piece. I can tell you mean it, and that's what usually makes a poem a good one. Now, the one suggestion that I would offer is your rhyme scheme. Try and keep it consistent. It seems to go ABAB CCDE DDFDA... I would suggest something along the lines of, ABCB DEFE... etc. Or ABAB CDCD... etc. If you have a hard time with rhyme scheme, there is always the world of freeverse. :) Just my suggestion.

    I did like these lines in particular.

    There's always someone better than me
    Who perfects all the things I can't do
    There's always someone better than me
    But if you try to take him, then you're screwed

    They have a lot of feeling, and really do begin the poem off nicely. It shows where this piece is most likely going to go, and they also work nicely together. Best wishes and blessed be. *Athame

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