Knots

I keep myself unspoken,
Until the knots of these lies are to tight,
Until their so tight I cant breathe,
Cant speak,
Cant see,
Eyes become blood shot,
Fists tightened,
Veins in my neck and arms swollen,
I leave the lies hidden,
Hidden until someone finds them,
Then I begin to untie the knots,
Not sure why I would keep them tied,
Not sure why I wouldn't untie them when it began to hurt,
When it began destroying me,
I left them tied anyways,
Knowing it would hurt more later,
Knowing I would hurt other people,
But I still keep them a secret until they have been found,
I keep hurting people,
I keep hurting myself,
I don't know why,
I don't know how,
I want to know,
I have tried to find out how,
I have tried every possible way of finding out,
Why I do these things,
tried to find out whats wrong,
I have failed each and every time,
But this time,
This time I will find out,
I'll find out just for you,
For us.