Everyday is exactly the same

Everyday is exactly the same.
The cold dark feelings,
the constant pouring tears.
I was only 7.....
cowering in the hallway;
holding my little sis close.
It's ok, it's going to be ok.
Mommy hitting daddy.
All the screaming and cursing
Daddy couldn't take it.
He choose a way out of all his pain
A way to block out what the worlds given him.
He puts the bottle to his mouth
and the gun to his head.
NOOOO DADDY!!!!
Please, please don't leave me!
Stay with me; together we can fight
all the darkness.
I watch a grown man cry,
while mommy laughs at the sight.
Everyday is exactly the same.
The cold dark feelings,
the constant pouring tears
The memory's of childhood
flood my mind.
How can I move on with the future
when I still live with the past?
At 15 I made a mistake,
More than a mistake.
For my own selfish reasons
I gave up an angel,
a second heartbeat.
I regret to this day, everyday
The day I gave my baby away.
It feels just like yesterday.
I can see the nurse telling me
"grip my hand, hold tight".
I can feel the doubt rushing to me.
In my head I hear the screaming,
NOO STOP, PLEASE STOP!!
Yet I never said a word.
Everyday is exactly the same.
The cold dark feelings,
the constant pouring tears
Today it gets worse.
The regret, blame and loss
The darkness when it's light
The hole inside where I bleed
and bleed.
Everyday is exactly the same.

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