I care and that\\\'s what hurts when I\\\'m laying on the floor in the middle of the night with my head going so fast with thoughts of how it should be and how I messed up my world for you. That\\\'s what I care about. It\\\'s that I f*ked up everything for you so I can\\\'t quit now or I\\\'ll have nothing left. I have timed everything so I can do any to talk to you, to see you. To let you have a victim for a night. I have went through every memory with you in my head over and over again. I could tell you about every word you have said to me, everything you have done to me and you probably wouldnt remember. You never remember. You would forget me if I let you. If I stop talking, you wouldnt notice and within months I would just be a ghost of the past but I cant, not now.. I wish I could, I try so hard but in the end the obsession always wins, and my needs are put in a corner for all of my wants so I guess Im a victim for myself. Someone get me out. Im not willing and I cant on my own. Im to helpless to see the better that I push aside for whatever you want but Im the one that starts it all, every time. I keep running back for just a little more for my last time, its my last time every time I tell myself the same thing again and again. I dont need him. I can get better and when I dont find it. Im back to the start. Every weekend over again. Its like I fail every week at the end when I make that text or drive past your house. Its that feeling everything could be real but nothing ever is. The life in my head is making my fail on the outside world. Watch me fall over at the end. To push myself to the next day to be reminded by everything in site of how I f*ked up. Just an other mess up with her pants on the floor. Ill be good and happy for a week then back miserable for eternity. The chooses I make, make me hate the person in the mirror. I need the help I wont except, I want to crawl out of my skin and start all over but that wont help I cant get far enough away from my feelings to cut you way.
