I must of done something
something 2 make them not trust me!
But i can't figure out what
I'm paying for, i think I'm paying for others mistakes!
I can't figure out how i can prove to them
prove to them that I'm not the others
i won't screw up!!!
I have done everything they've ever asked of me
I don't do anything illegal,
I have stopped things i know
the things that i know they would kill me for doing!
I HAVE NOT done drugs,
I won't
I won't even look @ them
Hell I won't even be around drugs
or
the people that do them.
I've stopped hanging out with the people that do drugs
Hoping
hoping that it would show them how much I've changed
but it hasn't worked!
I must have done something wrong
something to make them not trust me!
i have tried to prove time and time again
i wont screw up
I'm not like others
I'm mature and responsible!
But it seems to me
no matter how hard i try
to prove to them that in mot the other kids and i wont screw up
I'm going to still have to pay for what they've done in the past.
YES i do want to do things that I ENJOY
but due to our financial being
i can't do majority of those things
but I've improved, i don't do like i have done in the past
i don't get mad, i understand
we can't afford it and that's OK!!
But my true love, my passion they take from me!
I have done nothing to deserve that
I haven't done anything to have my passion
my passion taken from me!
I do not ask for much, all i do is
ask top keep my passion
that's it
After all its one night a week
but it has been ripped from me
like i have deserved it
I don't see my family much
and that
that's my time to spend with them
i am my self i am relaxed and enjoyable to be around
esp when i am there, because i do not have to pretend
that place is my future, hell its my life!!
I breath, live, swear, dream and eat firefighting,
I'm ate up with it!!
I have my car,
i have gas,
i have money
i have license
but i am still pinned down
from my true love, my future and my life.
it has been ripped form me because of what the ones before me have done
they are smuggling me,
suffocating me
by not letting em do the thing that I'm best at
i know they love me
and hopefully they know i love them to
but on things like these
when i feel like i have no trust or anything with them
it makes me feel less loved because I'm not trusted!
It just hurts because I've tried to gain trust and I've tried to show i am responsible
but the harder i try the less they give
and I'm about to say forget everything and not to have a passion anymore!!
I'm about to just give up
hell
that's what i want to do
i want to give up.
