ALone,Yet Not

I don't why i am alone,
yet i have so many friends and family,
yet somewhere along the line of life,
i got filled up with agony,

I talk,I play,I smile,
why am i unhappy why,
ask me if something is wrong,
i say nothing,I lie,

I get everything i want,
yet what i want is something even i don't know,
the last time i was completely happy inside and out,
was so so long ago,

I was just a kid,
8 or 9,
At that time,
life to me was kind,

Then somewhere in my life,
My life shattered in to pieces,
and everywhere i go,
i am surrounded by cold breezes,

I say I love you to my family,
But do i really mean it,
what did i do so wrong to change my life,
What crime did i commit,

My friends are so dorky and crazy,
but that is how i am but we are so alike... yet so different,
they tell me there problems and none are like mine,
and if i told them mine there would start judgment,

so i store it all inside,
putting aside all the emotions,
locking away my tears,
but when i am mad the anger flows like an ocean,

i really want to talk,
Yet i am afraid to,
and lately,
i am so confused on what to do,

The love of friends and family,
just isn't what i need,
i know,
it sounds like i am full of greed,

but that is not it,
last time i told someone they took me to a counselor,
i hate people thinking i am messed up,
because my brain is regular,

my heart and insides are twisted,
everyday there are more crank's to add,
and it makes me more hurt,
and more built up of sad,

I write to let it loose,
but does it really tell anything,
and inside,
the hurt continues to sting,

i don't know what to do,
talk to someone everyone will say,
that won't help,
my day will stay Grey,

so it will continue to store,
and i will continue to hide,
after all,
who really cares about the pain i hide inside???????????

by,Denysia Chapman-Madden