I can't believe this monster that I've become
All these horrible things that I've done
Something seems to be wrong inside of me
I've lost control and am something I shouldn't be
For every time I try to show that I love you
I mess it up and do things that I shouldn't do
And every time that I want to tell you how incredible you are
I say something stupid and make you feel hurt from afar
Honestly though I do my best to always keep a smile on your face
Yet, this monster inside of me seems to be on a different pace
The more I want to be a better person
The more I hurt you beyond reason
It's not that I'm trying to be so horrible
It's just that this pain inside me is so unbearable
Because you are far way and I need you near
So all my insecurities rise and I begin to fear
Fear for our love and how you are keeping
Yet all it causes in me is worry and weeping
For I want to be there to hold your hand
Want to be there to protect you and help you stand
I want to guide through all the troubles that we face
And help you along this path to remain redeemed by grace
Want to smooth out this rocky path that you walk
Encourage you and help you to be filled with only peaceful talk
My heart yearns for all these things for you
Yet there is always a difference in what I feel and what I do
So the more that I try to protect
The more that I find all my defects
And so I've come to realise this monster in the mirror
Is brought to life in me to bring you terror
To hurt you when you feel bad
To hurt you and make you feel sad
To make me say all the wrong words
And arise in you all these painful hurts
It brings out all the worst feelings inside of me
To make me this monster that before you, you now see
So sorry for all these things that I constantly do to hurt you
This missing you is killing me and I don't know what else to do
Please bear with me and let this storm pass by
So that I can just be with you and let this monster die
