Comments : Heart Unchained

  • 17 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    I liked this. It was a touching piece, yes emotional but not in the desperate teenage way most love poems are on here, it was deeper, more meaningful.
    The first two stanzas, and the start of the third were incredible, perfect wording, wonderful flow and meaning.
    However, on the last couple of lines and the final stanza it was lost.
    I think it was the flow that slipped and so the ending of the poem wasn't as strong as it could have been.
    Also, forgive me, but I did think it was a bit abrupt to say it's better to be alone so your heart can be free after saying how heartbraking it was in the previous stanzas. It didn't see believable to me.
    It was certainly a good attempt though. More of the first couple of stanzas would make this a fantastic piece of work.
    Thanks for sharing.

    p.s. oh and punctuation aids the flow a little in most cases too.

  • 17 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Nicely written. I liked it. The emotion within was very good. The flow as well as structure was good. Keep up the good work.

    Peace, Joe