I thought it was reay good.
it was enjoyable to read.

But they said can not you hear?

this should be 'But they said can you not hear?' or 'But they said can't you hear?'

wonderful job on everything else. it flowed nicely together. you did a great job writing it. you have talent. keep it up! 5/5

~Kristina

What a sad birthday. My favorite verse was the first one. To me, it somewhat hinted that little problems become bigger disasters, and in a way, it seemed like your bad day was just chock-full of them. I enjoyed reading this poem. Its a tiny bit vague, and if you ever decide to edit it, my advice would be to put more detail into things so that we can really comprehend what your going through.

The poem was kindof mysterious in a good way...and then the end explained it all but in doing that threw off the mood with that broom part..i dont know what it was there for but it made me laugh, although this poem is in the sad catagory..well ionno..i would think about changing the broom part..everything else waas great so 5/5:)

I thought this poem was really good. There's one tiny thing I think in the 4th stanza, last line, "But they said can not you hear?" switch you and not around. I think it would sound better. Great read! 5/5

marcella

I enjoyed the poem. i liked the feeling in it. i felt sorta mysterious as well. it kept me interested. and as everyone else is pointing out, that one line does need to be fixed. i think maybe you meant to put a comma before "you hear?" good write. keep up the work.

Well written nice twist at the end .

The first line was wonderfuly done to hint at the horrors to follow, the rest of the poem was well done, with a few rough parts, but the ending did a beautiful job of pulling it all together, good work!
omen

Very good poem. i liked it a lot. the only thing is, when i got toward the end about the broom part i kind of chuckled, [and i felt really bad] because the next line made me really sad.

nice way to change the emotions on me.

great poem nontheless. wonderful write
5/5

I realy like the idea of this poem. and the title. but i think there are some flowing problems and it seems to me as if some of it was forced. the poems idea seems meaningful and heartfelt though. so great job.

-liz

Wow... that was deep. But the rhymes were a little obvious. I almost think it would be better if it didn't rhyme.

Wow such a different poem then I'm used to reading. I've never once thought that anyone could think of their birthday as a curse, but apparently some people do. I really liked how most verses started off the same way "in my mind" while ending with a creative metaphore. The ending verse was the most powerful by far. Nice job.