I swallow your words
and choke on your lies
'cause this painting's wrong,
you painted me blue skies.
As if everything is happy
as if I'm alright.
But I'm drowning
in this thick ocean of paint.
And I'm trying to swim back to shore
but I'm too tired.
So instead you swallow me
in that hole between your cheeks.
I'm sliding
further away
from any happiness I seek.
It's way beyond my reach,
and you're closing your mouth,
and it's getting so dark.
I can hardly see.
But I've always been blind
to what doesn't please me.
That's why I'm here
crying aloud
and I can't find a reason
and it's scaring me to tears.
If only time was on my side,
I'm always too late.
I could break free,
smile again,
laugh with my friends,
and paint blue skies
with endless strokes of happiness
that wouldn't be a lie.
But I just can't pretend
that the rain-clouds don't exist,
'cause I feel the drops all day
falling softly on my skin.
Like a dream I can't wake up from,
I live an unreal life.
But it's real, and I know,
I just wish it could be nicer.
So start a new painting,
and leave it all blank,
not a single line.
You'll mirror my image
and what I hold inside.
Please,
I'm on my knees
and I'm praying so hard.
But I must be doing something wrong
because you're still feeding me these lies.
And I've chocked to death too many times
to carry on like this.
But I just won't die,
my soul doesn't know where else to go.
Maybe if I scream hard enough
the echoes will return
with words of wisdom that I lack
but I surely do need.
All I can do
is just keep praying,
for the sun to shine again.
Maybe i am painting something good,
I just can't see until I'm finished,
and can step away and soak it all in.
I'll see it in the end,
after the paint has all dried up.
So I'll just keep praying.
I'll keep praying.
