Wow, I really enjoyed this poem, the imagery was new and fresh and the concept was just beautiful. Only thing I would say is to just that I enjoyed it from the fourth line in and didn't see the first part as necessary. Of course that is quite subjective and the piece would work well either way!

This poem is sweet.
good job!!
5/5
take care!

~Chelsea

Im not sure I understand the structure.
If all lines started with "as" it may make more sense, but the second two throw it off. Fix that and itd be a lot better.

{4/5}

[PygmyPuff]

Hey,
nice poem its sweet and good;)
keep up the good work.
kisses stephanie