This was very well written
I enjoyed it and it looks like you spent quite some time writting it!
=-)
Great work
5/5

Don't try to hold on to the original lines to much, although the last parts were perfect, the first weren't that much. I think the flow would be better if you made it giving, pointing... my gun, but tell me if I'm wrong
(English is my second language so it could be that my feeling is completely wrong)
It's very well written, some workpoints like in every poem but deffinitly above average, I see a great poet in you.
(Also one of my favourite songs, probably that's why I'm acting a bit like a critic)