Great poem! loved the detailing. keep up the gerat work! 5/5

Woah, this is so sad. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. You're a really good writer! >.<

Woah. this was such an intense poem great job on this poem, just returning the love, and thnx for the comment on my poem. EXCELLENTE...5/5

Thats an awesome poem. I wrote a poem kinda like that but failed and didn't finish. Keep writing your awesome at it. 5/5

I really liked how you wrote this it flows perfectly
5/5 :]

Wow that was so sad! omg.. i loved it.

OMG! This poem is so sad :( .. You did a great job on writing this.. the only problems I found were:

Its dark in her room
As she hides under her bed
She's hurt from all __ move the to next line__
the things he said

The alcohol has taken over __alcohol*__
And filled him with rage
She feels like shes stuck __ move inside to next line__
inside a box or a cage

Begging and pleading
Crying for more
He threw her down now ___threw*___
Again the hard wood door

He said child you listen to me __child*__
And you listen to me good
I've done lots of things
That I never should

Thats it. Everything else was perfect. You did a wonderful job on rhyming and flow.

Wonderful Write

5/5

Whoa this has so much emotion, the story line was gripping. when i read it i hated the dad. for hurting the child, grrrr. so great right, i was pulled into the poem. thanks

5/5 david

I like how you kind of put the person in the place where this is happening its very well written 5/5

He said chil you listen to me (It should be child instead) wonderful poem. At first I thought it was going to be about the same thing that I often read about daddy's rage when he's drinking. The ending was very powerful when he gave her away because he couldn't handle it anymore. Very sad though because I believe that you shouldn't have kids if you aren't gonna raise them. This is such a sad poem and I know lots of people actually have to live this life daily, and if you are one of those people them I'm deeply sorry for you. The only thing I can critique on is I think it needs a bit of punctuation.

This is amazing

Laura
x

Wow this poem was so great, its never fun to be abused, i wish i could write a poem like this but the words just wont come its to hard to me to let out my feelings for what happened to me, i just cant find the right words, but you wrote it so well very good 5/5

Sad, yet again. But good. 5/5 xoxo

Samantha

This almost brought me to tears........this is so sad......i wish i had a tissue....this caught my attension right away..*srry bout the spelling once again* a very awsome write..u should write more of these cuz u r good at writing...

She loves her daddy very much
But hates the alcoholic side
Because he hates her so much
All she can do is hide

Wow this part I can relate to, this brought tears to my eyes, its so sad, you are a terrific writer!

Wow ... WOW is the only word to desrid your wirting

So sad.
I can relate to this one, as well.
It was a great poem, brought back memories and feelings, eh.

Keep up the great work.
I'm going to add you to my favorites. :D

5/5

Wow, this was intense. Excellent flow and structure, however; I felt this poem would be much stronger with puncuation. Overall good job.

In the first line, "Its" should be "It's"

First line second stanza and second line fifth stanza, "alchohal" should be, "alcohol"

Third line second stanza, "shes" should be, "she's"

Seventh stanza last line and the ninth stanza third line, "through" should be, "threw"

Tenth stanza first line, "chil" should be, "chill"

Peace, Joe

I've only read two other poems but I should say this is by far the best you’ve written. The poem holds a sadistic story and is explored well through a number of poetic techniques. The imagery helps convey the little girl's fear and inability to help herself. Just a suggestion for improvement:

"A box or a cage" - you could change that to:
"A God forsaken cage". I think it adds to the power of the story and elaborates the little girl's emotions a lot more.

Very well done :).

Wow hun. Powerful. 5/5 The flow was nice and good job on the rhyming. You are a very good writer. Keep it up hun.