Perfect, not perfect

I see you talking and laughing
with your friends.
You have the perfect life
Everyone adores you, with your
blonde hair and your blue eyes.
With you skinny body and
your perfect smile
You could never be nice enough
or sweet enough the more you smile
the more i hate you, thinking that you are living my life. You never noticed me
But if you had just looked in the
right direction you would see that
i am hurting and wanting to be like you.
But i am just a shadow of what
i should be.
At night when i am alone i wish to be
just like you,
it's not only at night, it's all the time.
Hurting and wanting but not happening
I think of ways to hurt myself
but i think no not hurt, punish
because hurting is simply not done.
You would never do that. Cutting is
too messy suicide cannot be undone.
I came up with a new one
pencils and stabbing.
Barely messy just as hurtful
and the scars go away
no one will ever know. You of course
would never do that.
With your perfect life.
With your perfect family and perfect
friends . Hate is all that i feel
Hate for all those who are what i can
never be but wish to be.
Hate for their perfect lives and
teir perfect ways.